The Yoga of Discernment
Sweat dripped off the tip of their noses. Some of the women had an expression of fierce determination on their faces. Others looked panicked. A few of them shot me dirty looks.I was teaching yoga to a room of twenty pregnant women. I asked them to hold a wide utkatasana or squat against the wall and I had just given them this speech:“We are going to hold this pose for 60 and then 90 seconds, and we’ll do it two or even three times. Here are some things that might happen. Your knees may start to hurt. While that may not be immediately dangerous, it is probably not beneficial either, and I want you make shifts in your pose until your knees don’t hurt. Try coming up a little higher, or squeezing a block between your thighs. It is also possible that the muscles of your lower back start overworking and that won’t feel very good. If that happens, makes some shifts, or call me over and I’ll help you figure out what needs to change so your lower back feels more supported. We may have you press your lower back into the wall, and slightly engage your belly more.Here are some other things that might happen. Your quads may get really tired and shaky. I know this isn’t comfortable, but it’s probably not dangerous right this moment. If you can stay, that might be interesting. It is also possible that your mind starts panicking because you are asking your body to hold a challenging, uncomfortable position. Now, don’t push past your edge, but if you can stay for the full 60 seconds, then stay. You get to decide how much challenge is interesting and how much is too much”.In my classes, I like to offer up enough a challenge that students are able to explore when enough is enough in a low key and compassionate environment.
This is what I call the Yoga of Discernment.
One of the greatest benefits of the meditation and asana practices comes when we learn to sit with discomfort. We will encounter lots and lots of uncomfortable things in this world that we have no control over, and if we can be with it without making ourselves crazy, that’s quite beneficial. Meditation, in particular, can be extremely uncomfortable for me, and just having returned home from spending six days in full silence on a meditation retreat, I am well acquainted with the Inner Critic that makes my life so challenging sometimes. Sitting with that discomfort and exploring it was truly enlightening, and I am so grateful for the experience.And yet, it is of the utmost importance to me that my students, and you, don’t hear me say that it is virtuous to sit through every kind of hell that is thrown your way. There are some situations in life {like in our bodies} that are dangerous and that we need to get ourselves out of, sometimes IMMEDIATELY.
The Yoga of Discernment comes in knowing the difference between a situation that is uncomfortable but we can learn to sit with, and situation that is really unhealthy and dangerous and we need to do whatever we can to get ourselves out of that situation.
There is a huge benefit as a human being in knowing the difference between beneficial discomfort and injurious discomfort, and I think a really great place to start to learn that is in the body. Partly because every person’s body will have different kinds of movements and ranges of motion that are beneficial, just as every person’s heart will have different kinds of experiences that are interesting or heart breaking and every one of us gets to decide for ourselves.
That’s my favorite part: You get to decide!
A teacher I was mentoring earlier this year described a situation in which the attention she was receiving from a co-worker felt “icky”. She was questioning herself though, because she has often been told she was “too sensitive.” YOU GET TO DECIDE, I told her.If it feels icky, than it is icky. End of conversation. That’s how boundaries work. That’s how discernment works. You get to decide what is good for you and what isn’t.
In my yoga classes I love to teach this idea in a very direct, physical way.
I offer my students a simple but physically challenging pose, like the utkatasana example up above. I will, as best as I can, tell them about some of the physical sensations that might occur and give them an idea about whether the sensation is beneficial or dangerous. I make sure they know the benefit I intend for them to receive, but even more importantly I give them freedom to explore the pose for themselves and decide what version or variation of the pose has the most benefit to them RIGHT NOW. Beyond just telling them to do “whatever feels good”, I’ll share anatomical and biomechanical information that INFORMS their understanding of what might be of benefit to their body. To be able to do that with confidence it helps to have quite a bit of teaching experience as well as a really strong anatomy background. If it would be helpful for you guys, I can go into more of the anatomical details in future blog posts. Let me know if that is something you would like to learn more about!The Yoga of Discernment is something I talk about in almost every class I teach because it is of the utmost importance to me that you and your students don’t use your practice as one more place to beat up on yourself. {That is all too common, I’m afraid.}No one needs to learn to be harder on themselves. No one.You can learn to ask more of yourself. You can ask yourself to be more clear and to be more focused, but that is not the same thing as beating up on yourself.One of the central tenants of my teaching is giving my students a place to work hard and engage in their experience with focus and clarity. BUT... to do so from a place of warmth and love and not of aggression or competitiveness. The Yoga of Discernment is something that can be practiced both on and off that mat or cushion. The questions are the same:
Does this discomfort have some benefit for me or someone else? If I am not sure, who can I ask? Is this situation challenging or dangerous? Am I sitting with this discomfort because I am trying to prove that I am worthy of love?
I’ll just remind us all that...